Do you remember the earliest memory you have ever had? For me it’s my 2nd birthday party. I remembered the dress I was wearing, a black dress with flowers on it. I was at my birthday cake getting ready to blow the candles, surrounded by other kids. I kept leaning towards my cake and got my dress stained with the icing. My mom kept having to wipe my dress each time. After that it’s random memories of me growing up. Such as watching my older sister feed the neighbour’s cat some milk, throwing away my old toys in big black plastic bags, and playing Street Fighter on Sega and actually winning against the boss M. Bison.
I think I have a fairly good memory capacity. It’s how I memorise lyrics to songs, chords on the guitar, keys on the piano, phone numbers and so on. I do believe that memory is tricky. There are some moments I cant remember at all. I even suffer from short term memory loss at times, like not realising where I put my things for example. I’m sure a few of us suffer from this.
There is downside to having a pretty good memory. It’s remembering all the bad moments. It makes it harder to move on or to forgive people’s mistakes in the past. Just because I remember so well, what happened. It may have traumatised me to ever trust the person who hurt me before. Of course other elements come to play for example if the person actually apologised after they did what they did then I suppose forgiveness and moving on would be easier.
The past does haunt me from time to time. It’s holding me back more than I’d like it to. I have to always to remind myself that it’s behind me and I must move forward and focus on the NOW. Now i’m here. I’m blessed to have this life away from any toxicity or violence. The present is a gift. I used to look forward to being an adult. Just because I kind of hated my childhood, growing up. I couldn’t wait to be free and live the life I’ve always wanted for myself. Here I am, and I shall remind myself everyday that I made it to this day.